Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Today, I don't know---I just wish I could erase. Wouldn't that be nice--to be able to erase a certain day or certain event, so that it never actually happened.

I don't know if it was the clouds that made me grumpy and sad. Or maybe it was me being grumpy that made the clouds appear--yah, like I have that much power.

I don't know--conversations from last night were still milling around in my head all day, which I know it did seem to affect me. I wish I could erase certain conversations last night--some piqued my curiosity, which is a bad thing--cause I am nosy. So of course, I wish that one didn't happen. Some made me sad. Some made me worry. Some made me question things that I may not be ready to question. Yes, all of those happened last night.

I wish there was a rock or a cave with my name in it--cause I would just escape there--escape from my worries. Escape from my grumpiness. Just escape. I am so looking forward to going away this weekend--I need a break. A serious break. Not a make believe break--a real one. And I am hoping to get that and refresh myeslf.

I need a mental vacation.

Sometimes--I feel like I just try so hard. I wonder things...

On top of all this, my last class of the day was atrocious. Apparently--something happened in class before, which all the first graders brought into my class--there was name calling, and fighting and just all around nastiness. I told them if they said anymore mean things about each other-I would go home and cry. They thought I was joking--but I really did feel like crying.

I need a hug. I need to escape. I need to go ice-skating. I need a friend. I need to be distracted. Apparently, I need a lot of things.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

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