Saturday, October 25, 2008

Why Does This Happen?

Seriously. I just feel worried and crummy right now. Today I got a few voicemails, some e-mails and various text messages-and they all sounded upset or said they were upset or crabby, but they didn't tell me why.

You can't do that to me. I have no problem with you leaving me a message or an e-mail if you are upset. I know I can help. I know I can make you smile...but don't tell me that something is wrong...and just leave everything out. And then, the worst, is I can't get in touch with them. So I call. I e-mail. I leave messages-and nothing works-and I know they are upset, but I feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. I can't help them. I can't fix them. I can't be a person to lean on. I just can't...because I have NO clue what is wrong.

It makes me so mad and sad. I hate this kinda of worry. The other kinds I can deal with-I can deal with worrying when I know what is wrong, because at least I have a place to fix it. I can deal with worrying when you pretend nothing is wrong, even though I sense something-because I will just second guess myself-even though I know I am right. I can deal with that.

This worrying? Not so much. I know I am sleeping pills-but I will be up all night, tossing and turning. Thinking. Writing. This worrying turns my stomach inside out, and makes me want to cry, and makes me helpless that I can't drive to them-and cheer them.

This kinda worrying just

So do me a favor?

If you are upset, or had a bad day, tell me. And tell me why. Don't say that you are upset or crummy, and then just leave it at that. I can handle you telling me. I promise. If you don't want to tell me why...then for goodness sake-don't tell me at all! (even though I will be able to tell that something is amiss...but that is a completely different story and rant.)

I need a hug.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Holiday Time


I officially started buying some gifts. My gift closet is overflowing. I bought for a few people already-and I refuse to tell who...because well...they read this :o) I also started buying for Toys for Tots. I buy for them for a few months, and then bring bag fulls to Toys R Us to drop off. So, I have few things for them...already ready and prepared.


There is a chill in the air, so I am so comfy cozy right now. It makes me happy. I can't wait for Halloween. Thanksgiving. The winter holidays. It is just the happiest time of the year!

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Bubble

This is to the tune of the '80s commercial: My Buddy.
If you need a refresher, this the commercial:

My Buddy Commerical

My bubble,
My bubble,
My bubble
My bubble,
Where I go, 
he goes
My bubble
My bubble
My bubble
My bubble and me


Today Was A Good Day

Today was a good day.

It was one of those days that I was just happy to be alive. Seriously. I had so much happiness in me, that I almost couldn't contain it. Did you ever feel like that? That your body wouldn't hold all your happiness…or am I just completely nuts?

It started when I woke up. I bounced out of bed. Did you ever do that? Just wake up and just bounce??? *smiles* Maybe it is just me. But I bounced out of bed. Then I decided that today would be a pink day…so I was pretty in pink. I had my pink socks on, my long sleeve pink shirt (with a short sleeve black shirt over it). I also wore my pink fleece. And my pink peacoat (which incidentally looks exactly like Pam's pink peacoat) But I digress. So I was ready to head to the city. And I had TONS of energy.

I was in the city. I went to my three favorite places in the world-American Girl, Barnes and Noble, and my new favorite: The NBC store. I didn't buy anything, because even though I wanted things, I just couldn't justify spending money. So I browsed.

I think what happened though is while I was window shopping-I had my IPOD on and all of the songs that were playing were my "happy" songs-the bouncy ones that I love. They make me smile on the outside and make me feel warm 'n fuzzy on the inside. I was listening to Gummy Bears, some Care Bears, That thing you do, Build me up buttercup, and Crazy for this girl.

I was just so happy today, and there wasn't any reason…


I was just happy because I was.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Think Positively


This week, I have been in such a funk. I hate that feeling, because usually I am not like that. And it bothers me. I think it is part because of just having lack of energy that I have.


So, five positive things that have happened to me today:
1. My classes were well behaved.
2. I had a yummy lunch-fried eggplant panini.
3. I am re-watching The Office
4. My not so well behave class, was very well behaved.
5. I got new Office stuff at Target today, along with a snazzy new shirt.


Friday, October 17, 2008

Holding On...



It seems like the more I try to hold on to things...


The more they seem to escape my grasp.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Blame Karen Fillipelli for all That is Wrong With The World


I know that sounds ridiculous. Because it well 
is ridiculous. It reeks of ridicioulosity. Especially because I am blaming a fictional character for everything that is wrong with the world. *shakes head in disbelief at myself*

So, what do I blame her for? Well. first off I blame her for Season 3 of the Office. That is the major thing. And y'know, I wouldn't have thought of my dislike to her, until I started reminscing about season 3...and it started again. Thank you!

So besides the major season 3 fiasco, I blame her for...

...being exhausted today at work, and having the brilliant upon brilliant idea that I should wear heels. Yah. Not so fun after 7 hours of standing.

....for being grumpy this morning, because I knew I wouldn't have a second to myself today at work.

...for not having a second to myself for having two meetings and six classes all in a row.

...for wanting new kitchen appliances and just not being able to get them.

...for wanting the new sleigh and horse from American Girl and doubting that I am getting it for the holidays.

...for having my cat Lucky wake up at 6 in the morning crying, when I was SO not ready to get up.

...for having to get ready for work in the dark this morning, and thus putting my shirt on backwards, because I was getting ready for work in the dark.

I think that is it for today. Just letting you know, she was also to blame for me being sick a couple weeks ago, our air conditioning breaking over the summer, and just minor/major irritations that have happened to me on a daily basis.

On the flip side...I am pleased to note that Pam gets credited for everything that is right in the world.

Some of those examples that happened today are:

...getting my favorite french toast bagels at one of the meetings. classes being amazing well behaved considering how tired I was.

...having a good meeting with my supervisor on my "performance review"

...eating lunch with my friend Karen (who is no relation or resemblemance to Karen Filippelli.

...going to Target and finding out they restocked up on the Office nifty gifties although I didn't buy anything.

...wearing my Care Bear socks.

...making a yummy dinner for myself.

Pam also gets credit for things that happened in the past. Those things are (but not limited too): going away for our anniversary, completing my Pam doll, reconnecting wtih old friends, making new friends, feeling warm 'n fuzzy on a daily basis, the Office being in Season 5, baking cookies and various other warm 'n fuzzy feelings and activities.

*giggles* Yah, I so don't have a life!


Falling in Love at the Coffee Shop


I was on my daily search on youtube for some some new Jim/Pam office videos. Sometimes, I think that I may have missed on, or I just rewatch my old favorites.

I don't want to post the link exactly, because I don't want curiosity seekers to go, since it does have bits and parts of season 4 in it. 

But the song that it was too just made me warm and fuzzy.

And because of that warm 'n fuzzy feeling, I decided to post the lyrics for your viewing pleasure. I like songs that make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Falling in Love (At a Coffee Shop) by Landon Pigg

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too

Because I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

All of the while
All of the while it was you

*swoons* That song just made me melt, especially when you reference it to Jim and Pam's relationship.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Very Excited about a half an hour I start to head out to go to the American Girl Store. Can I tell you, I must not have slept a wink last night. I was up every hour, pretty much on the hour. I am sure that most of the reason was that I was by myself, and Rich wasn't here, sleeping next to me. Because it is rare that we are apart, maybe about 6 nights a year, if I am so used to him being next to me, that I missed him. 

But I am sure that on the other hand, I was too excited to sleep. I finally got out of bed for good at about 6:30, three hours before I needed to be in the lobby to meet my friend and start our walk. I read a little, wrote a little, ran down to the local bagel place to get a bagel and coffee. (toasted poppy seed with cream cheese naturally) Showered, went online, revised my "want list" vs. "wish list." Debated about the snowboarding set vs. the baking set...and figured that why I am kidding myself, I'll probably get both! Read a little more. Went back to my wish list. And now I am here...9:05; twenty five minutes to go. 

My dreams were hazy last night. It was filled with worries. Worries about my friends mostly. Mostly worried about the ghosts and memories for the past. I know that doesn't sound completely well...normal. But it is true! While, I was dreaming, I have a vague impression of this song running through my head...

Dancing bears
Painted wings
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
once upon a december

Someone holds me safe and warm,
horses prance through a silver storm,
Figures dancing gracefully,
across my memory,

(singing aaaaa with the melody)

Someone holds me safe and warm,
horses prance through a silver storm,
Figures dancing gracefully,
across my memory,

Far away, long ago
things I yearn to remember
and a song someone sings
Once upon a December

And a song someone sings
Once upon a December .. 

*sighs* I really do need to a find a way to protect my friends, from the ghosts and shadows of the past and their memories. 

Saturday, October 11, 2008

All Sorts of Dorkiness

So, on this wonderful, fantastic, lazy Friday afternoon, I had a revelation about my dorkiness. Now...I know, I have called myself a dork before. Hey, I even meant it when I said it. I get that! However, this dorkiness...tops any other dorkiness that may be existing.

"So, what happened?" you asked. "How is you being a dork tonight different then last night?"

Well...I will tell you.

Tomorrow I am starting my exciting journey up the city. I am going out to dinner wtih my friend on Saturday night, but the real reason why I am super excited about this trip, is what is happening on Sunday morning. I am going to the American Girl place for brunch/lunch which a bunch of friends. And nope, that isn't the dorky part. I am super excited about it (but also as excited about meeting my good friend for dinner on Sunday night). I decided to bring not one, but two dolls, to get their ears' pierced. *shakes head at myself* But that isn't the worst...

So, in the midst of me finalizing my plans, I decided I needed to pack. I pulled out a suitcase from the closet, and started packing. I pretty much brought all my favorites, my purple sweater that I love, my new Fancy New Beesly shirt, my favorite pair of worn jeans, my favorite socks, comfy cozy pjs, you get the point. In my wisdom, I decided to give the suitcase to my parents to drop off. You see, they are going to be in NYC for a night before they head to Vermont. I figured, if they were able to drop off the suitcase, it would be one less thing to carry from the bus to the apartment.

Sounds like a plan. A good plan. However...and here is where my dorkiness comes in. I didn't pack my two dolls in the suitcase. The reason for that being is, incase my parents forgot to drop off my suitcase in NYC and took it up to Vermont, I would still have my dolls with me. However, I would not have my clothes.But in my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would rather have my dolls with me to join me for brunch/lunch on Sunday then have to either go out and buy new clothes or wear old clothes for a few days. Makes perfect sense?

So, my parents *crossing fingers* are hopefully dropping off my suitcase before they head to Vermont. And I am packing a carry on for the bus. In the bag will have two dolls, a doll hairbrush, pjs for them, my computer, a book for me, and Rich's IPOD. I will say a little prayer to make sure my clothes will get to NYC...but if they don't.


...At least I have my dolls!

Monday, October 6, 2008


So, my New Years Resolution is to be more honest.

I was thinking this before I go to work tomorrow. Typically when people ask me how I am, I always give the non-commital answer "fine."-it is what people WANT to hear, and it doesn't involve other questions. Well, I have decided that I will be more honest with my feelings and how I feel.

Who knows if I will be successful. But I will try.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Part Two: How to Make a Toothbrush Bracelet

This is number two in my How to Part Series. Typically these are how to things that are pretty much useless to everyone in the public, but well me.

However, they do make for interesting topics.

First off, you need to gather supplies:

You will need: tweezers, a plastic toothbrush, Friends or Dawson's Creek on DVD (which ever is readily available--I only had Friends on DVD, so I chose Season 3-one of the better seasons)

Next, put Friends (or Dawson's Creek on the TV) Since Rich was using the "real tv" I had to make do, with my computer. 

While you are watching Friends, you pull the bristles out of the toothbrush with either your teeth or tweezers. For safety reasons, use tweezers. However, in really tough to remove bristles, I have used my teeth. I am in no way responsible for any chipped or hurt teeth, if you decide to use your teeth.

When you are done, you should have a pile of bristles and a bristle-toothbrush.

Boil water on the stove. Do not mind my messy stove. A clean stove is ideal-especially if you are photographing your creation.

When the water is boiling, place the toothbrush in the pot. Be careful--the toothbrush will be extremely hot when you take it out. Every few seconds, take the toothbrush out and bend it until it makes a circle. It takes me about 10 tries to get it the way I want it. The nice thing is if you don't like it, you can dip and mold it again.

Completed toothbrush bracelet. Give yourself a pat on the back! And wear it with pride!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Fall is Here

So one of the schools I work at had its first ever Harvest Festival.


I have to say it was a lot of fun-there was pumpkin picking, baked goods, races, photos, face painting, crafts and story hour.

I worked the story hour booth and I actually had an attentive audience ;o) I did two reading times; and about 8-15 kids sat for each. Along with the parents. Sometimes I wish other people, besides would hear me read. Because I am a fun reader! Seriously, I am.

I read The Little Old Lady that Wasn't Afraid of Anything; which is such a fun book, along with Too Many Pumpkins. However, now I am home, and I have tons of energy!

*smiles happily*




I wish I had a crystal ball and could see what my future holds. And see how everything ends up.


I know...not possible.


But would be nice.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

First Holiday Gift

*Winks* Okay, I know I plan in advance for getting holiday gifts. I accept that. I think part of that is due to some years Hanukkah was just so early, that I had to shop early. Now...I just like thinking about getting the perfect gift.

I always wonder who will get the first gift of the season. I already have three people set for now (psssssst...I won't mention who is set, because two of them are on myspace). I just have to go out and buy the gifts! Typically, Rich's gifts I buy later-mostly because I learned from experience that if I buy them, he either finds them or ends up buying himself the same thing that I bought before the hollidays. So, I know. I wait until late November-December for his gifts. But others...that I don't have to worry about finding them. Or buying what I want to buy them-those are easy.

So, who will get the first gift of the holiday this year?


*humms holiday songs*