Seriously. I just feel worried and crummy right now. Today I got a few voicemails, some e-mails and various text messages-and they all sounded upset or said they were upset or crabby, but they didn't tell me why.
You can't do that to me. I have no problem with you leaving me a message or an e-mail if you are upset. I know I can help. I know I can make you smile...but don't tell me that something is wrong...and just leave everything out. And then, the worst, is I can't get in touch with them. So I call. I e-mail. I leave messages-and nothing works-and I know they are upset, but I feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do. I can't help them. I can't fix them. I can't be a person to lean on. I just can't...because I have NO clue what is wrong.
It makes me so mad and sad. I hate this kinda of worry. The other kinds I can deal with-I can deal with worrying when I know what is wrong, because at least I have a place to fix it. I can deal with worrying when you pretend nothing is wrong, even though I sense something-because I will just second guess myself-even though I know I am right. I can deal with that.
This worrying? Not so much. I know I am sleeping pills-but I will be up all night, tossing and turning. Thinking. Writing. This worrying turns my stomach inside out, and makes me want to cry, and makes me helpless that I can't drive to them-and cheer them.
This kinda worrying just well...sucks.
So do me a favor?
If you are upset, or had a bad day, tell me. And tell me why. Don't say that you are upset or crummy, and then just leave it at that. I can handle you telling me. I promise. If you don't want to tell me why...then for goodness sake-don't tell me at all! (even though I will be able to tell that something is amiss...but that is a completely different story and rant.)
I need a hug.