Sunday, September 6, 2009


So, as I mentioned in the previous post--I got a new journal. Only this one is a journal of lists.

I figured today, I would randomly choose a page (no peeking) and post my list for that page on here.

Let's see....

"List all your past hangouts"

In high school:
2. Applebees
3. Lakewood Rollerskating Rink
4. Winding River Ice-Skating
5. The Movies

In College:
1. City View Diner
2. The Movies
3. The Chicken Lounge

Post College:
1. Stafford Diner
2. Galloway Diner
3. The Movies
4. Applebees
5. Sadly enough, Target

It is amazing to me in the 15 years or so, my hangouts for the most part haven't changed. They still revolve around food and the movies. The faces are always different, but the places never change.

Lover of lists!

I know I just posted before, and well--I figured that post deserved its own spot. I know that doesn't make sense, but to me it does. Completely different thought y'know.

Anyway, so Thursday night Rich wanted steak. At midnight. Go figure. So, we made plans to go out to dinner the next night--for...well...steak. Yeah, not my favorite. But I do like going out to eat--and I am usually able to find something else on the menu, so I didn't mind.

After dinner, I wanted to head to Barnes and Nobles.

It wasn't too far from the restaurant, and usually we aren't AT that part of town--so I wanted to head there anyway. Well, while I was there, I got a new journal called "Listology" which is just absolutely made for me.

I love, love, love making lists. Not pointless lists like things that I have to do, or grocery store lists, but other lists. Top movies, random events, thinks that make me smile, y'know lists thare are "real" and this journal has all different types of lists. Wooo Hooo. I can't wait to start to fill it up.

I am sure that some of my lists will be making it here too.

The thing is I think I like lists because to me, that aren't as personal. Or they are as personal as you want to make it. So, really....mine aren't very personal. And I like that. That I can still tell people about me, without getting too in depth into "me"

Lists are fantabulous!

Remember Me This Way...


I just hate not being part of someone's life anymore.

I hate feeling left out.

And clueless.

But yet, I wish them all the happiness in the world.

Even if it seems like I am not really in their world anymore.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I know I haven't really been writing much, and it isn't that I don't want to write, it is more that I can't.

Sometimes, I get too private for my own good. I think I get nervous at the possibility of someone reading something that I write, which truthfully is ridiculously silly because it is public. So, I sugarcoat things, or skate around them, or just plain avoid them.

Unfortunately, I am a master of avoiding things. Truthfully, I hate confrontations, and I hate getting upset, so I try to avoid the situation by ignoring a person or just an event or something. I know that isn't a good quality to have. I know that I should be able to talk to people, especially close friends when they are hurting me, but I just can't. In an odd way, and I was thinking about this today, it is like I don't want to hurt them. Because I think if they felt that I was upset or bothered or just felt ignored, they would feel bad. And well, I don't like them feeling bad. So, I feel bad secretly. Uh, yeah.

And really, I don't want to have a long drawn out conversation about how I shouldn't feel sad or whatever, because it is just me, overanalyizing and people have been really busy and well...yadda...yadda...yadda. But at the same time, I know there is truth in what I see--and I really don't want to be convinced it is all in my imagination, and nothing is up. And perhaps that may be partly true, but at the same time, I would just like to avoid that "conversation" so I go back to hiding, because it is safer in some ways.

I guess I just well...give up. For good. And it pains me to say, because I feel like I am reliving the past and what happened a few years ago, but well, I am seriously not a giving up type of person. Really not. Just that there are only so many times that I can try to talk to someone, or even try to make plans. I'll be here when they want to talk, but maybe they just need to figure stuff out. Or maybe they are just really busy and I am being completely oversensitive. I doubt it though.

I miss my best friend.