Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Wishin' and Hopin'

Sometimes, I really wish that there was more that I could do. I wish that I could just make a plastic bubble to put my friends and family in and all the people I care about to protect them. To keep them happy. 

Unfortunately...it doesn't work like that. And the worst is when I can tell that something is wrong...someone isn't happy, and I try to say the right thing at the right time but *shrugs* but I feel like I should be doing more and that is what gets me. And I probably do more than most people, but it still isn't enough. I care too deeply, too much, and when I can't fix things, it bothers me. The worst is I can tell fake happiness from real happiness-just by looking in someone's eye. Sometimes not even then. Sometimes, I could be an hour or two away from someone-haven't seen them in weeks, months or even years, and just know. I don't know how I know-I just do. And I don't know what is on their mind or can predict the future-so don't bother asking. I just know when someone is sad. 

Unfortunately, its not a talent or gift that I flaunt. Most people think its nuts (the ones that I do tell...) or that I am slightly crazy (not in a good way crazy) or it scares people. I had a lot of friends get scared because they spent days, weeks, months protecting themselves, hiding inward, and one person just comes along and sees right past that. And it scary. Trust me, I have felt that before. So, I know how it feels-and sometimes I wanted to run away or hide under a rock. And it is a scary feeling. 

The problem is once I see that you block me, it is almost easier for me. I know it probably doesn't make much sense at all. And sometimes when I write it, it actually makes less sense to me-and sounds ridiculous and I am sure you are disbelieving. Or at least some of you out there are disbelieving. And that is fine with me. But I still know. And don't even try to use "misdirection" or "hiding your eyes"-doesn't matter-I can still tell.

But right now...I wish I could do more. I know kind words can go a long way, and touch someone in their heart-but I just feel like it is not enough. *contemplates what else I can do*


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