Did you ever have questions...
Things that you want to know the answer too...
But are terrified to know the real answer...
Not the one that you sugarcoat for others...
I don't ask questions. By nature I don't. I ask "safe questions" if that-and don't get me wrong...it isn't like I am not inquisitive or nosy or anything like that...I definitely am. But I just don't want to be right.
Now, I know in your mind, people aren't always right. And that may be true...however wtih me, I am right the majority of the time, if not all the time, with my intuition and feelings...and I hate being right. I feel safer being wrong then being right. Because if I am wrong, then nothing changes. Everything stays the same...but if the answers that I get are the answers I suspect...then I really don't want to know.
I like my bubble. It is pretty and purplish pink. Like Cinderella's bubbles in the movie. It is iridescent and safe and protects me. And the best thing about my bubble...is it NEVER EVER pops. Not ever. I superglued my bubble together-so I don't have to worry about it popping or things being shaken up..And things will always stay the same.
Did I mention I don't like change? I really don't. Rich saw it in the simple matter of buying new sheets/comforter for the bed-the old ones were SO comfy cozy. I don't like material change or emotional change. I never had a problem leaving home or going away, that never bothered me, because I adapt in those situations...but the others not so much. I know I could if I had to, but I don't want to.
So I still have some same pajama t-shirts from high school. I have my fuzzy froggie slippers from college. I even have my Miss Piggy and Miss Piggy mirror around too. I kept a hold of my favorite book from childhood. The more things change around me, the more I want to secure them together and make sure they stay the same.
Honestly...I don't think I would ever be ready for earth shattering change. I like slow...gradual...baby steps. Like going swimming in a pool-I am not one to dive in. I just go in with my little pinky toe and see if the water is too cold (usually it IS) and then after my toe gets warm, I go into my ankles...you get the point.
And that is why I don't like asking questions...I may need to know the answers. I probably SHOULD know the answers. But I don't want to know the answers. I like my little iridescent bubble that I constricted for myself so many years ago.
Now, if people ask me questions-I may answer them. But truthfully, I'll probably answer them mentally. Unless I am asked those questions in person and on the spot, I'll probably hedge and misdirect until I figured out the "safest" answer to give...which may not always be the most honest one. However, the curiosity in me still wants to know what will be asked. Although thtat isn't fair at all...because most likely, I won't give them answer. And I won't allow the questions to be asked to me in person, so I don't want me to be on the spot.
*shrugs* But now...seriously...the only question I need to be asking and answering is...how will I function on 5 hours of sleep.
To bed I said.