Friday, September 26, 2008

Slight OCD'ness and Writing

I love to write. Writing and ice-skating are probably what relaxes me more than just about anything in the world. Well...that and when I need a laugh I have some favorite tv shows/movies. But for the most part...if I am stressed out or on the verge of tears or frustrated-I have always turned to writing and ice-skating.

But me being me. I write things three times typically. Once I  write  what the real story is. What really happened. What I really felt. That is for my eyes only. I don't want anyone getting hurt by me or anything I I have to keep it somewhere, so I write it down. Padlocked safe the works. 

Then I write the slightly doctored up version for some select people to see here. I may include a few clips from my real feelings...but usually it is the second version so the hurt and the pain may be out of it. You may still be able to sense or get a slight glimpse of my feelings, but that is only if you are really observant. And then you times my slightly doctored up version by 10 and that is how I really feel.

And then the version that everyone gets to read. This version may be so far removed from what the original is. I never use names in the version, sinceeveryone may have a chance to read it. There has been only one time in the past, where I was mad and frustrated and hurt that I did use someone's name, in belief that they would never in a million years see it. (Well...a million years came pretty fast) This one since is so far removed, may only show slight glimpses of how I really-and you can only glean them for previous conversations that we may have had. But if you had no clue about the conversations, then you probably don't know the depth of the writing.

So three times. One for me. One for some people and one for everyone else. *laughs* If everyone saw every version, people would be able to fit all the pieces together and really start to see me, for me.

Instead of what I let them see.

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