Monday, March 23, 2009

Reading People's Minds...


Its funny--I have been thinking about this today. Sometimes, looking into people's eyes makes me so uncomfortable. I was thinking how much easier it is to e-mail someone, or, I guess talk to them on the phone--but I have a hard time looking at someone's eyes.

And, truthfully, it is not because I am trying to be rude or anything-just the opposite. Sometimes, I can see so much. No, I can't read minds. Especially if someone's thoughts are about me--usually I'll just deny those ideas until the cows come home. But I can sense people's emotions really well. And it scares me sometimes. Sometimes, I'd rather be in the realm of "not knowing"

Yah, I am just re-reading what I am writing--and it makes absolutely no sense.

You see, to put it simply, I close myself off--I tell people what they want to know, on a need to know basis. Some of my good friends still are surprised by the things that they don't know. (And many times--the reason that they know now is because Rich slipped.) I remember one conversation with him--we were talking about how I am in nature, kinder then he is, but less trustworthy--which you need to think about it for it to make logistical sense.

He on the other hand, may not be as kind, but he trusts more then I do. I know, I have trust issues--I have no clue when they started or how they came about. I have blamed the summers before, so I will stick with that answer. I just don't like talking about myself on a deep level. I can do superficial things with ease--but those pointed questions that get asked--I am a master at evading them.

(Sometimes...I'll sidetrack the conversation until you completely forgot the original conversation was).

Back to the eyes though. I think sometimes when I look people in the eyes, I am afraid of what I will see. Of what they will let me see. And then I start worrying. And then I lose sleep. And my stomach gets upset. So, sometimes to me, it is easier "not knowing"--because even though I do know the answers (or questions!) I don't want to admit them--so I never have proof that I was right.

Being right scares me.

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